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Wednesday, November 9, 2011

Whats a good story with out a big bad wolf....

Well my big bad wolf went by the name Ed Linderman aka Paw-Paw.
He was a merchant seaman who my grandmother aka Maw-Maw, married for love and money.
He sailed the seas in a ship collecting unique and wonderful things to bring home to
His wife and family. He was gone for months at a time and would return home
With gifts and stories of his adventures abroad. Once he retired I guess he was board of life
On land so he decided to start molesting his 6 year old granddaughter.  It actually started before
He retired but the real damage started after.

Sunday, November 6, 2011

Dont Miss the up and coming Characters... It just might be YOU!

My Mother, Father, Sperm Donor, and Brothers.

My Mother Susan ... Red headed beautiful blue eyes and the life of the party and center of attention for most of my life. My mother as I have known her has been many different people. She tells big tales on grand scales and loves deeply and like her mother also has been very capable of catching more than a few men…and women in her life. Never seeming satisfied with what she had, always looking for the next good thing. moving from one relationship to another seemed to be par for the course. And like her relationships where her addictions passed from mother to daughter to daughter to daughter. A fighter for her happiness and her life my mother has fought many battles with her mother, cancer, addiction, depression and self-loathing just to name a few and won most still fighting some but with her, a battle to the end no doubt. With 3 children Terry 08/1964-10/1996, me 01/1966 still here, and Danny 07/1968 also still here she has been through hell and back but I love my mother more than life and now would not trade her for the world. She has lived the life good and bad and is still here to tell the Grand Tale.


My Father Brazos… Tall red and handsome with hazel eyes and a head full of hair Popeye muscles and the knowledge of an old tribesman. Though I am not blood of his blood or flesh of his flesh He is my daddy none the less (no rhyme intended). He raised me and loved me more than any birth father could have. So if you tried to tell me he was not my father I would call you a liar to your face. He like the rest has battled the demon of addiction alcohol being his drug of choice. Wasting his beautiful brain on a life of drinking and jobs that were far beneath the level of his intelligence. Kind and never met a person that didn’t like him. Cutting at times but just plain ole fun was the life I saw. I love my daddy and my daddy loves me. Battling liver problems he puts up the fight every day tapping away at his keyboard and writing greater tales to leave behind. 

My brother Terry… Tall thin blonde hair blue eyed “rock star” like qualities. My brother was mean as hell to my brother and me growing up but was always there when we really needed him. He loved to make people laugh and then would turn around and scare the hell out of them. My brother like the rest fought addiction and mental illness until one day he lost the battle and put or had put a shot gun to his head and freed himself from the demons he battled for much of his adult life. He was a beautiful little boy his blond hair always falling over his eyes his beautiful yet devious little smile always finding adventures for us to go on and an endless imagination. I miss my big brother and I will always love and adore him and keep his memory alive.

My brother Danny… Oh little Danny with his little round face full of freckles and his beautiful red hair. Danny as a child was a typical little brother, always whining, tattling or getting into something we didn’t want him in. My little brother grew up big though, he too has his battles but those are for him to tell. He was the first of us three to graduate high school and went on to join the navy. He will tell you like he sees it if you want to hear it or not. The man has opinions. He is not holeyer than thou by any means but he is ALWAYS right. He is the boss and you can’t tell him different. My lovely little-big brother has grown into a fine man who I am proud of, who is always there for me when I need him and who I would not trade for nothing. I love him with my whole heart and want to tell him the truth now… Danny, you know how I always said mommy found you and you were not really our brother? Well I lied… you are really our brother and I am so happy that you are. 

Sperm donor Paul… Well just that… a sperm donor. Mean, abusive, hateful, spiteful, and definitely had mental issues. As Forest Gump would say “that’s all I have to say about that”

The Cast members aka... My Family

Let me start with my Maw-Maw aka my grandmother. I must say I don’t know much about her before me accept a few stories that have been passed around here and there. She was a raven haired beauty with piercing blue eyes. She was able to easily catch a man and from what I have heard she caught a few. She was the picture of elegance and grace when she cared to be and could and did spit fire as she chose. God have mercy on the soul that got in her way. She could love hard and hate harder. Her words could cut you like the sharp edge of sword and all too often I or the people I loved where at the sharp end of that blade. She lived most of her life that I knew her looking through the bottom of a pint of jim beam (God I still hate the smell of that stuff to this day). She died from cancer in her 60’s I in my mid 20’s, and to tell you the truth I cannot say that I miss her. Surprised? Don’t be. You will learn more later about this and then I am sure you will understand why I could feel this way. Please don’t get me wrong, I did love her, I just didn’t like her very much.

(stay tuned for a day by day addition to my cast of family and their short bios then the story will begin. You don’t want to miss it)

Saturday, November 5, 2011

Understatment of the century.1966

I was born on January 15, 1966 after my brother Terry who was born August 29, 1964 and before my brother Danny who was born July 10, 1968
To say I was born into a dysfunctional family would be the understatement of the century! A family of Drinkers, users and abusers, family secretes and mental illness. If I had been a soap opera writer I could not have written it any better than this.

The first blog days

Today is my first blog so I will start by telling you why I am blogging. I am a 45 year old lonely, confused, frustrated, angry, sad, heartbroken, funny, quirky, somewhat intelligent, been there done that, etc..etc… woman, mother, grandmother, partner, daughter who needs to tell the world why. I need to tell my story day by day to see if I can actually make it just ONE MORE DAY. If you read it I hope u find it interesting. I will start by blogging as if it where 40 years ago and I will hopefully catch up to now before I die lol. And as Mario and Luigi would say….”Here we gooooo”.